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Meryl Streep

Thoughts provoked after watching "Julie and Julia"

This movie portrayed an ambitious, pioneer of a woman (Julia) and a woman (Julie) trying to be ambitious and piggy-back on the career of the pioneer. Julia slaved for years for her big break while Julie got hers within a year. Don't get me wrong. Julie's character was endearing and inspiring in its own way, but the generational gap between the two women exposed the chasm of philosophies in how to forge a successful path in life.

The movie based on the real-life experiences of these women touched me poignantly. Mostly because of the juncture in my own career path. I relate all too well it seems. Enough to poke at something both insecure and hopeful in me. What lies beneath is a quiet frustration not often spoken but always realized.

Damn the Generation X'ers and those who taught us we could change the world with an undergrad degree and a noble career choice. Maybe you can leave your footprint on this earth in small, meaningful ways, but who's to say you're warranted to get paid for it?

I had my professional portrait taken today because I thought it was the right thing to do for my "career." I have never felt so vain in my life. Although the sun shined like Spring, the wind bit like late Fall making my smiles look forced and painful. The camera man's hand shook with shiver and his gracious assistant held the second flash high in the air, shot after shot with obvious discomfort. My leopard print stilettos that I thought gave me my 'signature look' sunk into the juicy earth and never even made into the photo frame. And with each snapshot I became more agonizingly aware of how pretentious I must've looked to observers. It wasn't long after I cut my little photo shoot short. I blamed it on the cold and invited them in for tea.

Some days you feel like you're a good headshot and a few clever words away from a dream. Other days, you just feel like everyone else trying to scrap a living in this world. No more or no less special.