Notes on a boarding pass

My trip to Kirksville, Missouri to visit my brother at Truman State with my family was refreshing. It made me feel my relationship with the family was normal again and not reduced to texts, quick emails, and long distance phone calls every now and again.

Don't get me wrong. There were those all-too-real annoying family moments where I wanted to be zapped back to Hamilton, Ontario in the land of less family drama. But there were also those moments I was reminded of why I love them in the indescribable way I do.

Thoughts of creativity came in bursts while on the trip, but had to be stored away for a less busy time, so I was reduced to sloppy scribbled notes on the back of my plane ticket. Three months later, life is still hectic at times and those once creative thoughts have become less coherent and vague yesterday memories. Memories that resemble the chaos written on the ticket. Regardless, here are my notes as follows:

The setting: Nowheresville, Midwest. Miles of rolling acres of farmland and Amish country. Lucky if you find a Taco Bell or a gas station with a clean restroom and toilet paper in it.

--Alone. He wears dirty coveralls. Farmer's cap. Thick, sensible glasses that could survive a nuclear fallout. At least 70 years old with tarnished farm boots. A man that knows labour. Took his time to finish his breakfast. Once finished, grabbed dishcloth and wiped his own table clean. Left a crumpled dollar bill as tip and left. Obviously a regular.

--Just saw Amish drars (southern dialect for "drawers" also known as underwear) hanging on the line. Smiled to myself at the irony of such a modest community.

--Me and my dad in a public restaurant with family. Laughed so hard we cried. Couldn't stop. Embarrassed the whole family. The story of the bacon bits.

--Father of first year football player sitting behind us. Bored the entire game as son won't even get a chance to play. Annoyed listening to the Ratliff family scream bloody murder for Truman State. His son comes on the field to play. Gasps 'oh, my god!' and is on the edge of his seat for the rest of the game.

Another pearl kept

As originally published in The National Post/Holy Post division:
Grey Cup Sunday Special: God and Football
Posted: November 29, 2009, 4:13 PM by Matt Gurney

by Rikki Ratliff/Listen Up TV

Michael Lewis, author of The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game, was recently quoted in New York Magazine as saying that although he's not a Christian, "God and football seem to go together, for whatever reason." The screen adaptation of his book has become a box office hit in its opening weekend. The powerful true story of what happens when two very different lives intersect at the crossroads of faith and football, resonates with Christians and non-Christians alike. Athletes and non-athletes love to root for the underdog in the film, Michael Oher, as he goes from fatherless and homeless, to surrounded by family. The fact that the larger than life character of Oher, against all obstacles, went on to become the 2009 first round draft pick for the NFL's Baltimore Ravens is just the icing on a delicious and heart-warming cake.

Trophies in shades of Grey

For the first time in Grey Cup history, the Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Montreal Alouettes go tête-à-tête in the battle for the 2009 CFL championship. We'll probably see the latest dance moves in the end zone, a few short prayers, and maybe a few hands in the "number one" symbol raised to the heavens. You can also imagine the ousted teams in the league watching with pain and regret from the sidelines. None in more pain than the once mighty Toronto Argonauts, who finished dead last in the standings with a record of 3-15. However, it's the plays these guys are making off the field that will count when the trophies have lost their tarnish and the roar of the crowds fade into whispers from the past.

Plays like the Argos Foundation made this year with the introduction of the "Level the Playing Field" program. Four deserving Toronto-area highschools were selected to restore 20 and 30 year dormant football programs. Each highschool received a player ambassador from the Toronto Argonauts. Jordan Younger, CFL all-star corner back and ambassador to the C.W. Jefferys Saints, says he hopes to invest his time, energy, and knowledge of the game into the inexperienced but earnest team. I watched from the Saints' sidelines as animated Younger took over position as coach for the day. Down at half and in the centre of the huddle, he rallied with the words, "it's anybody's game!" Inspirational words for a team that needs to hear them--poignant thoughts for a school trying to make a comeback from its violent past.

On May 23rd, 2007, Jordan Manners, a student at C.W. Jefferys, was shot and killed by a fellow student in his school hallway. Over two years and a football program later, the school and its students are unrecognizable. "We noticed that we don't have a lot of students just wandering the hallways and just fooling around," teacher Eshan Jahangirvand says. "They're more dedicated and more focused on school."

The transformation has even reached once problem student, Jeffrey. "He has developed to become a captain on our team," Jahangirvand beams. "He's developed so much that other teachers have come up and said 'Oh, wow! This change is so exceptional that we don't understand what you have done to him.' Football is a big change in that."

Retired Toronto Argonaut, Chuck Winters, knows first hand the power of football to change lives. Growing up in the projects of Detroit, he lost two family members to violence. Winters says sports was his outlet that kept him safe, but it was his faith that kept him alive. "I wouldn't be here. Period. I wouldn't be walking this earth. Because there were times when I thought about taking my life because of the fact that it was just so difficult and that's all I had to lean on."

Now working in a youth correctional facility in Milton, Ontario, Winters hopes to make interceptions of another kind, hearts and minds. While he admits that most of the draw from the talent pool in football seems to come from the U.S., he believes there's a lot of untapped talent here in Canada. "So I try to get them to understand the value of what sports can do (for them) because I saw what it did for me."

Football is a game ripe with spiritual analogy

Born and raised in the buckle of the Bible belt (Oklahoma) and in the heart of college football country, I understand Lewis' puzzlement. All the prayers offered up to God in the hopes of a win have often turned up futile when the scoreboard reads a disappointing loss. Many of the prayers of protection seem to have gone unanswered as a player limps off with injury to the sidelines. I've watched as the men on the field take a knee in the end zone to thank God for a run scored or a pass caught. Where does God fit between the option play and the buttonhook? Many Christians believe God should be involved in all of the details. So why wouldn't He also be allowed in between the first and second down of a game that makes up so much of a part of their identity?

My brother, recruited to play quarterback for a Division II NCAA football team, once said that God and football are indivisible because of the extraordinary faith it takes to believe in both. "A person is lucky if he even has one person he can truly trust. On the football field, a player is expected to trust not one, two, or even three guys--but 10 guys to do their job in order to be successful."

In a pivotal turning point in
The Blind Side, Leigh Anne Tuohy, played by actress Sandra Bullock, echoes my brother's thoughts. "This team is your family, Michael." Oher, slowly learning a new definition for "family" and what it means to protect those you love, applied that to his position at left tackle. Even the best highlight reel couldn't begin to cover how that moment would change his life forever.

What a game, what a life...At third and inches, it will take more than talent to get you through to that first down. You'll also need pure, driven heart and soul, a good O-line, and possibly, a little prayer.

A pearl gathered

As originally published in The National Post/Holy Post division:
As Olympic flame burns, Canada's sex industry heats up
Posted: November 03, 2009, 2:00 PM by Matt Gurney

By Rikki Ratliff, Listen Up TV

Canada’s sex trade industry is a complicated mess. Any time you have humans being actively bought and sold for the purposes of sexual exploitation, things tend to get a little tangled, even scandalous. Especially when it’s happening in your own backyard. A 2008 report by the Criminal Intelligence Service Canada (CISC) states that “across the country, organized crime networks are actively trafficking Canadian-born women and underage girls inter and intra-provincially, and in some instances to the United States, destined for the sex trade.”

While the images of foreign women in faraway countries holed up in seedy brothels seem morally reprehensible, Canadians should be just as abhorred by images of their own women and children being trafficked within the borders of their True North Strong and Free.

Naomi Baker, from Canada Fights Human Trafficking, says that human trafficking is the fastest growing crime across the globe, with the bulk of the demand stemming from America and Canada. The North American Forum on Integration attributes this to “their more convenient and cheap location, as well as their lax legal and law enforcement systems.” Canada contributes to the demand when, according to the RCMP, 800 to 1,200 people are trafficked here every year, while there are activists placing the number as high as 15,000 annually. But don’t be too quick to place significance on numbers; organizers of the underground crime market make it their fulltime job to stay under the radar and away from traceable statistics. The fact that there is even one sexually trafficked victim within these borders is crime enough.

Challenges to Canada’s Charter on its current prostitution laws muddy the waters surrounding the sex trade further as they open up debate on how to best keep those in the sex trade safe, whether they are there voluntarily or forcibly. And voices crying “women’s rights!” seem to drown out the voices of those who are just … crying.

The conversations swirling around the debate seem less constructive as they pit women against women. But the sound-bite friendly lawyers and sexy dominatrix’s grabbing front page headlines perform an even darker deed. Distraction.

Trisha Baptie, a former prostitute from Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside, says the argument for striking down the Charter’s provisions on prostitution laws is bogus because it doesn’t actually do anything to ensure women’s safety. She believes that by eliminating all the legal framework surrounding prostitution, we allow capitalism and the free market to be the determining factors of women’s equality. And to those who believe that in theory, legalizing brothels would create a safer environment for women to perform prostitution, Trisha is quick to remind us of the silent market buyers both indoors and out.

“It’s not the location that beat and raped us. It’s not the law that raped us. It’s the men,” says Baptie.

And it’s the men who will flock to Vancouver come the 2010 Olympics. The not-for-profit Christian sector is leading the charge on anti-trafficking campaigns aimed to raise awareness and combat the potential surge in the sex trade that can come with hosting an international sporting event. Campaigns like R.E.E.D.’s Buying Sex Is Not a Sport, and The Salvation Army’s The Truth Isn’t Sexy stem from a biblical conviction to care for the most vulnerable in society. Major Winn Blackman from the Salvation Army warns us against being fooled by the Olympic posturing, however. “We were here before and we’ll be here long after the Olympics are gone,” she says.

Although the Salvation Army recently received flak for controversial images in its campaign, they did succeed in getting Canada to begin talking about its ugly, private family matter. And with the House of Commons recently voting to pass Bill C-268, Canada is on the brink of a further discussion imposing mandatory minimum sentences for those convicted of human trafficking. In the past, there have been horror stories of traffickers convicted of selling teenage girls and getting off with a slap on the wrist. A girl’s loss of dignity and innocence reduced to one week in prison. The bill still awaits the Senate’s vote to pass the legislation.

If you’re still not convinced of Canada’s role as a major player in the exploitation market, just ask the brave men and women of the RCMP and regional police services across the country who have created task forces to rescue the victims in the sex trafficking industry.

“We absolutely do have human trafficking and people bought and sold in Canada,” says RCMP Constable Caroline Raymond. “It’s not in a cage like the Hollywood ads. They walk about fully sold, not free. Not sensationalized, just tragic.”

The bottom line is that we live in a culture that still believes you can measure the value of a woman when in fact she is priceless. She has become a menu item decided on over the internet and advertised on websites, next to trivial items like antique clocks and cheap concert tickets.

After the medals have been passed out and the Vancouver Olympics have come and gone, how will Canada rank in the treatment of its own? Who will carry the torch for those that cannot carry it themselves? Whose arms will weaken in caring for its unpopular cause? Whose voice will crack in the awkward silence?

Crawling into Fall

I must admit, Hamilton's doing a heck of a job trying to infuse some new life into its historic downtown core. I get this feeling she's trying to thrust off the weight of her past sins and economic woes, and the stereotypes that hold her down. With each new weight cast off, she uncovers a little magic. Events like Hamilton's Supercrawl help to reveal that magic, despite the weather.

I was proud of the huddled masses yearning to be dry last night, but persisting anyway in the rain and in the cold. Umbrellas of all shapes and sizes and bent, bobbing up and down to the beats coming from the main stage. Some, without umbrellas, donned rainjackets and galoshes, splashing happily in the puddles embracing the wet autumn night.

I had to really focus to embrace the night because I do not embrace chilly temperatures well at all, and Ohbijou, an indie band from Toronto, helped me do just that.

At first, I stood on the outskirts looking on at the sea of umbrellas satisfied with my poor view of the stage. But then I heard the sad strains of an electric violin--one of my favorite musical instruments. My interest was peaked. And then an electric cello blended into the chorus, soon followed by a man on a mandelin. All of this beautiful music began to swell with the lead singers' girlishly pure voice piercing the rain, piercing the cold, piercing the crowd, piercing me. I was lost and caught up in the rapture of this motley crue of musicians. I found myself losing all umbrella etiquette and bumping my way closer to the stage. Finding my focus, the nasty elements no longer mattered. Nothing really did except for that moment.

Canada is beautiful in the fall and I am learning to love this season. The blustery autumn winds seem to scoot out the complacency of summer ushering in a resurgence of purpose and a persistence to make the best of the coming season.

Niagara Parkway, Ontario
Photo courtesy of Cosmo Condina / Getty Images

Where I was on 9/11

It was the second week of September, 2001 and I was taking a creative writing course at the University of Central Oklahoma. Our poetry assignment was due the following week. One of the requirements was to write a poem in the form of haiku, the smallest literary form with ironically, the most rules attached to it.

Poetry had always come easy for me, and for those that knew me in my earlier writing years, I typically wrote double page-long epics. I was embarking on foreign territory here. How in the world was I going to write something profound using only 17 syllables, in three lines, in 5-7-5 sequence?

The free form-poet-hippy in me scoffed at the idea of caging creativity with such
restricted requirements! However, the over-achiever-competitor drove me to not only attempt, but to also achieve success with the highest marks.

I pondered my subject of haiku for about a day. Something light? Nature perhaps? Everyone loves nature. Robert Frost was a genius when writing on the subject of nature...

And then the morning of September 11, 2001 came. And it went. Although it never really passed like some bad days seem to eventually fade. No, it just took up residence in my soul and settled with an unwelcome thud.

September 12, 2001. I was working, but not really. No one really was or could for that matter. We were all plagued with thoughts of the jagged rip torn in America's once colorful canvas. It was now just all very, very grey.

Sitting at my desk distracted from my database entry duties, my haiku quietly erupted onto my Word document. My blinking cursor no longer blinking, just ferociously moving across the screen and then coming to an abrupt and final halt a few moments later.

"Dusty corpses tell
the story with muted lips;
Hunter is hunted."

It wasn't pretty, and it probably wasn't profound, but it was the truth. It was only one writer's feeble attempt to describe that unforgettable Tuesday.

About six years prior in April 1995, at the age of 15, this same writer had also made an attempt to describe the devastation that had occurred in Oklahoma City. Somehow, strangely, my teenage prose had ended on a hopeful and victorious note. I suppose that was the less jaded version of me writing at the time...

Needless to say, I got the "A" on my haiku assignment. Sitting there in it's fresh red ink, the "A" sighed a little I think. I expected to feel a sense of achievement for my work. Instead, my little haiku felt like a big, fat, "F." I guess the whole world flunked that day. Unfortunately, this time, there were no make-ups or room for extra credit.

Originally "published" on 9/11/06. Republished with permission from Rikki's old Myspace blog.

The feminine roar heard 'cross the country

Last friday, just a day after the Afghanistan elections were held, I spent the lazy summer afternoon sprawled on my couch eating lunch and surfing my new HBO channels. I happened upon what looked like a made-for-television movie called, "Iron Jawed Angels." The guide's info listed Hilary Swank as the leading actress and the description mentioned something about the women's suffrage movement. I admire Ms. Swank's on-screen work and love a good historical period piece so I settled in with mild interest and a little skepticism as I had never heard of the film and there were no "stars" listed under the movie rating.

Two hours later, I was wiping away tears and processing a new found admiration for the women who led the way for the women's right to vote in the U.S. They endured years of scorn, jailings, and imprisonment under brutal conditions, so that almost 89 years later I could fax in my absentee ballot vote from Canada for the next president of the United States.


Myself, voting in the 2008 Presidential elections

I had vaguely remembered reading maybe a few paragraphs or a chapter on women's history in the U.S. in either highschool or college. Names like Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony seemed familiar but were just names of women pioneers that other women should know. But somehow seeing Alice Paul and her cohorts' tenacity and courage displayed on-screen brought to life a privilege I had taken for granted since I had turned 18.

There's a scene in the movie where President Woodrow Wilson and his closest staff are confounded about why all these women were making such a fuss. It was 1917 and the U.S. was sludging it out in WWI. It seemed there were greater causes to fight for at the time than letting a woman mark her name on a ballot form. Besides, black men had already been given the right to vote, women were sure to follow in due time. But for Wilson's administration the time was not now.

Many of the picketeers had been hauled off to prison on the charges of "obstructing traffic." While in prison, the leader of the National Woman's Party, Alice Paul, went on a hunger strike declaring herself and her female compatriots "political prisoners" and the conditions inside the prison "inhumane." For her efforts, Alice was marked as suicidal and therefore labeled insane.


Alice Paul

The American patriot, Patrick Henry, was famously quoted as saying, 'give me liberty or give me death.' One could argue his cause was a higher cause worth fighting for and that Alice and other women like her were merely driven to crazy feminist obsessions. However, one of my favorite lines in the movie played by a male advocate for the suffrage movement sums it up and shuts it up best when he says, "In women, courage is often mistaken for insanity."

On August 26, 1920, Congress ratified the 19th amendment to the United States Consitution allowing women all across America their opportunity to explore liberty and democracy to its fullest and for themselves. I am thankful to that generation of women who would not take "no" or "later" for an answer, but rather said, "now."

Our definition of equality has always been restricted by the norms of the society and culture at the time. Thankfully, there are those, like Alice Paul, that have been willing to rock the boat and if need be, sink it, to help redefine the parameters of the highest notions of human equality.

Draining tears and snot into my paper towel, I watched the movie credits roll by and wondered what I have ever fought for that mattered? Would I have what it takes to be willing to lose my reputation or even my life for something I believed in? There are some women in Afghanistan who still do. Even with the barrage of violence and death threats from the Taliban, the women of Afghanistan persisted to the polls on August 20, 2009 covered in fierce determination and a burqua. Although technically "free" to cast their vote, many of them never made it, held back by hundreds of closed polling stations for women, cultural taboos, and perhaps a lingering sentiment in their own minds that women aren't truly equal.

Today, I salute the steps of the women that traveled before me to turn my privilege into a practiced right. I also salute the steps of the women who travel now in trembling towards their right to vote, but do it none the less in the hope that they are blazing an easier trail for their daughters to travel down.

A little catch up

The struggle over transparency has left my blog neglected for the past little while. In this e-world of disseminating personal information I often ask, "how much is too much?" Which walls do I leave up? Which walls do I tear down? And which walls do I leave for decorating to please the public's eye?

This much I do know. My walls carry cracks. And what may be considered "quaint" for one, could be considered "odd" for another.

Despite my reservations, I still feel a duty to share bits of me. I owe it to myself and to this bubbling well inside me to spill over regardless of where it may fall...

My parents have now come and gone from their visit to Canada. What a role reversal it is to host the people who have "hosted" you for most of your growing life. The moment where I tsk-tsked my own mother for using the wrong handtowels I'll never forget. "Those are for pretty, Mom, not for actual use." Say what?! Or another favorite was when my mother apologized for not making up the bed in the guest room the morning they left for the airport. So bizarre coming from the person responsible for my clean room checks growing up. But I'd have to say my most favorite memory from their visit was that of me and my mother whipping up a cream cheese cookie baking and coleslaw cooking storm in the kitchen. Together. Side by side. Mother and daughter. It was a healing moment for me. And one that's been needed for over three years.

A beauty of a storm descended upon Hamilton the other day. To the west, sunshine. To the east, dark clouds. And my house seemed to be at the centre of it all. My pear tree bent ungracefully at the force of the winds sending me a small sense of danger and also a thrill. An affliction leftover from my Tornado Alley living days I'm afraid. But the storm left as quickly as it came, washing my sidewalks-and my spirit-clean.

I just finished watching "Becoming Jane." It's a semi-biographical movie on the author, Jane Austen. I'll not critique the acting or the script, but I have to comment on the element of unrequited love between Jane and Mr. Lefroy. It is heart-wrenching and unsatisfying to not see them have their happily ever after together, but I have to say there is something dark about me that loves a story that is not tied up in a pretty little bow. Life is just not that way. I must also say that if you have never felt the pain of unrequited love, then you have never lived. But if you have felt its deepest sorrow, it is like you have also died.

I think Jesus must have felt the anguish of unreturned love and known the sting of a scorned lover too. He would have made for a great hero in one of Austen's novels, but then again he did already play a great character in another Good Book....

August is here too soon. While I'm itchin' to get back to work at Listen Up TV this fall, I am still officially an unpublished writer. Usually I hold my goals, like pearls, preciously and privately. But the summer is ending and I am aware of how quickly my 30th birthday is approaching. Secretly, I feel the delicate strand has broken and quietly my pearls are slipping away.

And so in the battle for today's post, Transparency, I'm afraid has won out at the same time I have run out of plaster for my broken walls.

Unfamiliar Terra-tory

I got into green earth
and green earth got into me
and on my clothes
and under my nails
and between my toes...

Under the watchful guidance of a helpful friend, I made my first attempt at gardening and landscaping. I figured after three years in the same house with the same man it was about time to make a move at some small form of domesticity. That and I wanted to make a good impression on my parents who are coming to visit soon. As if to say, "look at me permanently residing in Canada all hunkered down making a life," and like my young flowers, taking root. Tentatively at first, exploring the conditions and then resigning to settle.

Yes. I admit it. I quite like it here. I love my city with its history, its hodge podge of different cultures and all its eccentricities. Hamilton is the relative you love to make fun of but secretly adore for all their quirks and big fish stories. My city has some cracks and scuff marks, but that's what makes her interesting. And best of all, she took me in.

I put up a good fight at first pretending it wasn't my decision to move here. But being angry is exhausting and rips patches from the quilt that holds your soul together. I want to be happy. And warm.

And so I dig. I grunt and sweat at the effort, but I continue to dig.

Yes, my marigolds are a little lopsided, and some of my Black-eyed Susans look like they could use an ice pack and a Tylenol, but I put them there. With care, with expectation and with the hope that the sun will shine on them just the right way.


"At first, it's unfamiliar, then it strikes root."
--Fernando Pessoa

MJical

We loved you though we never knew you.

We scorned you though you never hurt us.

We laughed at your brokenness, while we ignored our own.

You wore your insecurities on your face.

We tucked ours deep inside.

You were no god, but we worshipped you.

Your melodies, our hymns of praise.

But the record's stopped.

The chord is ripped.

The glove and the moon are buried.

The mirror is broken,

And the illusion is blurred

For the Celestial was merely a man.

July 4th remains alive for this American girl

One of my most treasured Fourth of July memories is the July before I moved to Canada. That was a great summer for my sister Nicole and me. We ran a 5k together, cleaned out closets of my house (fun, I know...), shopped, sunbathed and shared. Like sisters do.

That particular summer our family was busy and split between locations for celebrations. Somehow, Nicole and I ended up at a vacant gas station parking lot sitting on the hood of her car. Or was it mine? Memories tend to shift over time...

Anyways, we watched the fireworks explode, but we did it in Corey Hart circa 1984 style. With our sunglasses on. I don't know. I guess the sky, the moment, our futures looked so bright.

I took a few pictures to capture the ridiculousness of us and our oversized shades from that night, but between a move and a laptop crash, the digitally captured memory is lost. Thankfully, I'm able to still retreive the personally captured one.

While the details surrounding our Independence Day adventure are a little out of focus, the feeling I get when I recall the love and adoration I had for my sister and the thankfulness for freedom in my country, remains perfectly intact. Neither time nor a PC failure can take that away.

I don't know if I'll have the opportunity to see our magical modern day metaphors for "red bombs bursting in air" from my view on this side of the border, but my heart is at home today. In between the chomps of fresh watermelon, the gulps of homemade sweet tea, and the devouring of mom's delicious American flag cake that is sure to be had, my heart and my belly is home.

On this 4th, I'll be at my husband's all-star baseball game. You can bet a Canadian and American dollar I'll be sporting red, white, and blue today though. You can also be certain that when opening ceremonies begin and hands go to hearts for the Canadian national anthem, I'll be singing to the tune of a different melody in my head, smiling all the while.

I leave you with some beautiful patriotic prose that could soften the heart of any red-blooded Canuck.

"My country, 'tis of thee,
Sweet land of liberty,
Of thee I sing;
Land where my fathers died,
Land of the pilgrims' pride,
From every mountainside
Let freedom ring!
2
My native country, thee,
Land of the noble free,
Thy name I love;
I love thy rocks and rills,
Thy woods and templed hills;
My heart with rapture thrills,
Like that above.
3
Let music swell the breeze,
And ring from all the trees
Sweet freedom's song;
Let mortal tongues awake;
Let all that breathe partake;
Let rocks their silence break,
The sound prolong.
4
Our father's God to Thee,
Author of liberty,
To Thee we sing.
Long may our land be bright,
With freedom's holy light,
Protect us by Thy might,
Great God our King."
"America," penned by Rev. Samuel Smith in 1832.


No map needed for this short trail....

I love getting lost in a good song. In its music swells. In its lyrics. In the parallel world it creates for you to escape. A straight shot into your own Narnia. And sometimes, if the song touches you just so--if the melody penterates your senses just right--you can get so lost you become found.

"Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I'm in a cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off..."

--Lyrics to song "Lost" by Coldplay

Here's another kindred take on the emotional warp and toll music can take on your soul.

An informal report on Iran from a patio in Hess Village

I met a friend for a patio drink yesterday. The weather practically begged you to enjoy itself, and so while I was eager to let the late in the day sun's rays bathe me, I was not especially eager for our conversation.

We had some catching up to do, but more importantly, I had some apologizing to do. I have a gracious friend though, and he was ready to quickly forgive and forget my failure. He's also the kind of friend who likes to keep conversation light, so I wasn't prepared for the turn our conversation was about to take....

Me: So...what's new?

Friend: Oh, my cousin was nearly killed.

Me choking on my sip of Chardonnay: What? How? Where? (I nearly got out all 5 W's but restrained myself into better listening)

Friend: In Tehran.

Me: Oh.

And from that moment on, I did listen. Intently and on edge, with my body leaned inward against the table and my head feverishly nodding away.

You see, knowing my friend had immigrated from Iran about eight years ago, I've always thought there was a story there. For the past ten months, I've gently poked and prodded about his past life, but he had always remained tight lipped about it. And so my curiosity continued to grow and starve at the same time. I needed information. I needed the facts. I needed the story. I was going to wane away without them. It took an election gone awry and an emerging civil war to loosen his jaw, but I can't say I'm especially glad for it to happen under these circumstances.

I battled between being a good friend or a good journalist. I desperately wanted to take notes and catch quotes, but in the end, being a good friend won out. At the expense of good details, I'm afraid. What lies beneath are my mental notes from his second-hand report from Tehran and his first-hand experience from living there. Forgive my stream of conscious flow. I don't have time for editing or for flowery adjectives, but I always have time for telling a story that needs to be told...

He calls it a religious democracy and says, "but that's an oxymoron." You can't have a democracy ruled by religion. He explains that the election is a crock, but it was really just a matter of voting for the lesser evil. Regardless, there is no excuse for fixed elections and while he is not a political man himself, he understands his people's need for protest. An injustice has taken place and has for thirty years. He says there have been hiccups along the way with the Islamic Republic with other minor protests, but he has never seen anything like this and this hiccup is lasting longer and louder than he expected.

He doesn't want U.S. or Canadian sanctions. He doesn't want war. For him, this is a family matter. What he wants is Iranians to handle this from within with peaceful protesting, and for a leader to emerge and pull the fractured ranks together. Not in the form of a political party, but in a massive stand of solidarity that cannot be ignored.

His cousin and one of his good friends from back home were out on the street just the other day. Not to protest, but to just get out. In a matter of moments, a throng of thousands were rushing at them from the opposite direction. The throng had been protesting and were now running from the military. There was no time to run or to think. His cousin and friend were trampled and buried in the stampede. It took time and much effort for his cousin to pry himself out of the rubble of bloodied bodies. The air was thick with tear gas and smoke. He waned in and out of consciousness but remembers a hand grabbing him and pulling him into a house. When he awoke he was surrounded by twenty or thirty others like him hiding in the quiet dark of a room.

When it was safe he went outside to look for his friend. What remained of his friend was a shoe. In his innocence and poor timing for a walk, he was caught up in Tehran's reality.

My friend says the prisons and jails are full and that his friend was taken away with hundreds of others to a desert area. The people there are dumped and left with no food or water and probably never to be seen again. My friend has probably smoked through three or four cigarettes in the span of thirty minutes.

He tells of a time when he was a 10 year old kid wearing a long hanging t-shirt and vest walking down the street. He thought he looking stylish for the time and for Iran. It was his attempt at looking cool and Western. But it caught an officer the wrong way and he was kicked and shoved down a flight of stairs. His life was spared only because the officer got a call to be on the scene for an actual crime. He says, "I know this is tragic for you, Rikki, living your perfect life in North America, but for me this is just life." He continues, "me and my family actually laughed about it when I got home."

He laughs, I nearly cry. But this is his country's reality. At the flick of another cigarette he goes on. "There is no other species in the entire world more adaptable and capable of adjusting to their environment more than the human species."

While I agreed there was truth to his statement, I inwardly wondered how well his childhood friend was adapting to his new prison without walls in the desert. And then I took another sip of Chardonnay and finished my fish and chips with relish and thought, "what a spoiled, spoiled girl you are, Rikki."

It's in the details

I recently attended the Write! Canada conference in Guelph, Ontario, where I had the opportunity to win my way in rather than paying the $400 conference fee. I didn't get to give an acceptance speech at the award's ceremony, but if I could, it would go a little something like this:

"I would like to thank the Great Igniter for sparking creativy in His creation and for thinking of me while He was at it. I would also like to thank my fellow humanity for "just being you" because you are the constant source of my inspiration. And last but not least, I owe a great deal of gratitude to my editor, Patricia Paddey, for making me look better than I really am. Thank you, Canada, for giving this American a chance."

You can just imagine the thunderous applause that would be sure to follow...

Below is my entry that took first prize:

They’re ordinary and uncelebrated. They’re old, young and in between. Some are nameless, but none are forgotten; leaving an imprint on my soul in ways that only subtlety can. They are my fellow human beings; each one, created in His image. And I believe they are God’s way of infusing colour into my life when shades of grey have tried to creep in.

Joy hasn’t come easily since my move to Canada. Sure being married to the nicest man this side of the U.S. border has cushioned the transitional blow, but we are creatures of comfort, and my “easy chair” didn’t make the move. It sits accumulating dust in my home state of Oklahoma. Just three years later, and my former life feels like a children’s story I once had memorized, but am now slowly starting to forget. I am changed. Changing. And I see people, regular people, in ways I never did before.

June, 2007.

I’m on a road trip to Ottawa with my husband. It’s the noon hour and I’m roaring hungry so we make a break at a travel stop. My hair’s disheveled and I’m groggy from napping in the rental car. McDonald’s is really our only option for food for miles. A part of me pretends to settle for fast-food, the other is secretly happy to gorge on a number three with no onions. There are about four lanes of McDonald’s traffic and I’ve already got my arms crossed in anticipation of the wait.

A chipper voice with an Eastern European accent in the far left "lane,” rouses me. It belongs to an elderly woman who has just placed her order. I’m not used to hearing happy voices in McDonald's. Impatient and curt ones, yes. I’m in unfamiliar fast-food territory here. She is with her husband and they look to be in their 70's at least, possibly in their 80's, and very much in love. That alone encourages me; the thought that they have probably been married for 50 years. I'll never forget what she says next in her thick, expressive accent, to the young female cashier wearing a pony tail and McDonald's uniform visor: "You have the most BEAUTIFUL smile! NEVER (pause) stop smiling. (Arthritic and gnarly hands thrust in the air) Smile for the rest of your life!"

Once finished with her compliment, which also sounds like a beautiful command, the little old lady turns and walks away with her order. A lump catches in my throat, a tear brims in my eye, and I smile—broadly—as if she has given the compliment to me. I want the old lady to be my grandma, to take my cheeks in her hands and lovingly pinch them. The cashier at the counter smiles too, and I wonder if she realizes the profound and simple beauty of this moment. I wonder if she will carry that sage wisdom with her "for the rest of her life."
“Thank you, Lord, for the unexpected ways you shine in your people.”

October, 2007.

I call her my Norman Rockwell girl. Partly because she’s got so much character like the artist’s paintings, and partly because I wish I could transplant her back into those quintessential scenes of life Americana Norman made famous on canvas. She has freckles and a mischievous way about her that no one can cure. I’m her mentor in an after school program.

They call her “at-risk” because she lives in North End Hamilton, and because her mother died recently, leaving her with overwhelmed grandparents who care for three young children in their retirement. Her reading skills are atrocious and I often wonder if she’ll even make it to grade 6. I haven’t seen her all summer and I’m worried she won’t remember me or even care that I returned to volunteer for another school semester. I haven’t heard from Immigration Canada, so I cannot legally seek paid employment. It hurts, but I suppose the career world of journalism can wait. For now, Elizabeth needs me. I hope.

I watch her come into the centre like a whirlwind. Backpack half slung off her shoulders, face flushed from the early October shiver, and as always, pestering the director with questions like, "What's today's snack?” “Who's my mentor?” “Can I be the games leader?" I wait with an amused look for her response, as an answer to at least one of her questions comes. Her eyes dart back and forth across the room searching for familiar faces. And finally, her surprised, but recognizing eyes meet my smiling, almost tear-glazed ones. Her backpack finishes its descent to the ground and she sails to my already open embrace.

As my Norman Rockwell girl squeezes me, tighter and longer than I expect, all my worries begin to ease. When she yells out through her contagious grin, "you came back!" all doubt is completely erased. Looking down at her, an inch taller, her face a little less chubby, and with freckles in new places I haven’t seen before, I know I am exactly where I should be.
“Thank you, Lord, for the reassurance that you do have a plan for me even though I can’t see it fully.”

Just the other day.

I have somewhere to be and quickly. I have a career on the go, errands to run, and a social life brewing. Finally. But my husband’s brother has just been diagnosed with cancer. He is too young to have a staring contest with Death. My husband knows this and I feel like I’m losing him to the fog that cancer brings to a family.
I find I’m losing focus, and driving distracted is never a good thing. In the midst of my own fog, I am jolted by a sight that only my city can bring.

I see a very tall man, dressed in very used clothes, with his hands placed like props in his coat pockets. And I cannot believe this, but he is dancing down the street sidewalk! Alone! I can’t see earphones to suggest he’s listening to music, which makes the scene even more amusing. He looks like the type of fellow who might not make his rent this month, or who finds his second home at the local liquor store. But he has not a care in the world, and is skipping Fred Astaire style down the sidewalk! I look to see if passersby will stop and stare. Instead, they just casually pass—him—by.

In the moment it takes my car to speed by, he’s gone. But I laugh. Incredulously. And shake my head and continue to laugh. Later, I try to describe the scene to others, but the story falls flat and I’m convinced I was the only audience member for whom the movie was meant. For a moment, life is less blurry and a precious moment of clarity sweeps in.
“Thank you, Lord, for the reminder that ALL are God’s children and that you came to this earth to notice the unnoticed.”

Tomorrow.

They may not seem like much to an outsider, but these ordinary people give room for extraordinary commentary on life. They are gifts to me that come in little drops of joy and winks from God that seem to say, “I see you. Now do you see me?”

When pigs fly, ratings soar

A friend recently sent me a viral text that read, "It was once said that a black man would be president 'when pigs fly.' Indeed, 100+ days into Obama's presidency...Swine flu!"

Just days after this "pandemic" has been declared, people are already finding clever ways to make light of the subject and poke fun at the president. The things we do to ease the onslaught of bad headlines and voice our democratic discontent.

We debated at our last story meeting as to whether or not Listen Up should cover this story. I groaned inward and outward for a few reasons. The first being that I already have my own case of headline fatigue over the media coverage on swine flu. Or wait, could that possibly be one of the symptoms of the virus? Should I see a doctor? Should Lorna interview me?

The second reason is a little less selfish. My sister is due to get married in Cozumel, Mexico in just a few weeks. If Listen Up covers the story then I've just affirmed that in fact, there is something to this break out, and I should not take the risk to enjoy a sunny paradise and see my sister walk down a sandy beach aisle. I'm afraid a blue medical mask is not the accessory we were hoping to wear with our coral bridesmaids' dresses.

The third reason is a little more complicated. While Listen Up thrives on covering the headlines of the day, our job gets tricky in that unlike any other news organization, we look for God amidst the headlines. And so I have to ask, "where is God in this swine flu?" "How will this story change our world for the better and bring people to a closer understanding of who God is?"

I have no idea. What I do know though is that comparatively speaking, very few people have died as a result of this pandemic than those that have died and will die of HIV/AIDS, malaria, or starvation. In the time that it takes for CNN, CBC, ABC, and CTV to run their latest spin on the Flu to keep you tuned into the fear, hundreds of thousands, if not millions of lives will be taken from other causes not related to a pig.

But this story relates to us, right? Americans and Canadians could die. Forgive me for my insensitivity to this latest breaking story, but I can't help but wonder what other headlines are being canned in light of this outbreak. Perhaps, they're not "sexy" enough for primetime at this time. In other words, when pigs fly, ratings soar.

In the meantime, I'm gonna scan the backpages of our newspapers and listen for the stories buried within networks' busy broadcasts. Who knows--I just may find God there.

Reposted with permission from Listen Up TV.



Soccer cleats and sensible pumps...with a makeup bag and purse thrown into the mix. There's also a very sensible but very unstylish backpack that's hard to see in the background that holds everything from snack bars to deoderant to a change of fresh underwear when life demands it. And believe me--life demands it.

This image struck me as funny from my perch on the bed. My I'm-still-recovering-from-a-weekend-of-sports-and-ibuprofen-ain't-doin-the-trick-perch. This is my life right now though. Haphazard at times with a curious blend of footwear and lifestyles. But I love it. The fast-paced world of tv journalism mixed with intense athletic sports that helps to maintain my sanity and my weight. I'm every woman. Definitely not a '78 Chaka Khan version, but more like a 21st century version of a woman who wants to look good and feel good.

Now granted, right now I don't feel so good because of the hits I've taken on the field this weekend, but by tomorrow I'll be up and running in my sensible heels trying to change the world one Listen Up TV show at a time. I guess in keeping with my "mixing" and "blending" analogies, I could also say that when it comes to my life in progress, I'm just "shaken and not stirred." Not that clever, but come on--you have to admit it's cute.

For those of you concerned about my dusty hardwood floors and even more worried about shoes not being put where they belong, not to worry. Sunday is my cleanup day for the week. I'll get to it....Sunday also happens to be my reflective day of the week. Hence these few paragraphs that turned a private smile about my clash of worlds into a now public one :)

---From Walt Whitman's "Song of the Open Road"

AFOOT and light-hearted I take to the open road, Healthy, free, the world before me, The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.
Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune, Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing, Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms, Strong and content I travel the open road
...

---And the final word goes to...Paul

"Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. "

Phillipians 2:16

rlr

More recollections en route to Florida...



It had been some time since I had ridden a prop plane and I laughed as I saw the flight before me leaving in one. I thought to myself, "suckers." It takes enough faith to believe in the science of jet engines to keep you lifted in the air, but to subject yourself to the mercy of a few propellers just whirlin' away for all they got to get from point A to point B, to me it just tempting fate.

As they called for boarding to my Philly connection, I glanced out the window only to find that I too would be that "sucker" tempting fate. Buffalo to Philly in a prop plane seemed like quite the jaunt for such a wee machine, but I was seated across from a pilot in transit and felt mildy comforted by his presence. I gave him a weak smile and fastened my seat belt to a snugger than usual fit.

The flight lasted a little over an hour without much to write home about. However, I am sure that if planes could pant, ours did once it shuttered to the ground...

What was worth writing home about I guess, was my observation of the pilot-passenger, seated at the window. He was like a kid taking off from the jetway for the first time. His face was glued to the window pane and it remained there for much of the duration of the flight. His eyes constantly to the skies and ground made me quietly laugh at his boyish enthusiasm. This is a man who flies daily for a living! I began to admire this grown-up in his uniform with his pilot's cap resting in his lap, relishing those seemingly mundane moments that we frequent flyers often take for granted. I felt a stinging conviction to remember to live my life that way. A nose pressed against the glass kinda way...

Sometimes I like to think I'm too old when I'm not, and I choose Aisle over Window in life. But thankfully, my little toy plane arrived safely, which gives me another opportunity to make a seat arrangement for this flight and the next....


rlr

Florida '08 trip as I recall it...Part One

Day One-7am. Sleepless in Buffalo. Bags in my hands, bags under my eyes. Not quite the romantic comedy one would hope for. Through my dreamlike haze I do remember being grateful for my pedicure as I revealed my stubby, shoe-less toes through security...I also remember being peeved just seconds later that there was now airport funk on the bottom of my previously clean feet. Gritty, brown, dirt-ay, funk.

Thanks to those terrorists, now I gotta stand one legged like a drunken flamingo in a public restroom as I wet a papertowel and remove the funk. About that time, I wouldn't have minded having the physical address to Abu Ghraib in my little Black-berry book, so I could conduct my own personal torture methods on the 9/11 suspects. It would go a little something like this...

"Sir, please remove nearly everything you have on--including your dignity. Also, do that in front of hundreds of strangers under flourescent lights at an ungodly hour of day."

"Now brace yourself as this retangular device will woosh a contained tornado at your body. Please note, reacting or moving as a result of the gale force winds searching out every crevice of your body, will only further delay your freedom."

We all know that terrorists, being from dry, arid desert regions wear sandals. So...

"Sir, please remove your sandals and place your bare feet on this deceptively clean, tiled surface."

The terrorist will then grimace in pain and utter dismay only to find that no! it is not a shiny floor of purity offering harbour to his naked foot soles, but instead is a surface of bacterial horror with its splattering of dirt and grit and North American imported funk clinging to his arches in dirty delight.

I will extract confessions from the terrorists and defeat their pockets of regime with my inhumane and non-UN approved methods of torture...

But for now, I've got a layover to catch and a stale airport bagel to eat that's supposed to hold me over 'til lunchtime.

rlr

Images


Flawless creatures framed in black and white.

Untroubled faces with toothy grins that somehow aren't over the top...


But the sticker won't come off.

And now she's got a little buyer's remorse...


rlr

Some things never change...

"It appears we have appointed our worst generals to command forces, and our most gifted and brilliant to edit newspapers. In fact, I discovered by reading newspapers that these editor/geniuses plainly saw all my strategic defects from the start, yet failed to inform me until it was too late. Accordingly, I am readily willing to yield my command to these obviously superior intellects, and I will, in turn, do my best for the Cause by writing editorials - after the fact." - Robert E. Lee, 1863



I was recently asked by the place where I volunteer with kids to write an article for their newsletter. I happily obliged and then a few days later easily forgot. Their admin wrote me a few days after my initial deadline wondering where the heck my 300 words were. Oops! Would I be awful for deadline newspaper writing or what?? I scrambled home after my internship that day and threw together these words you see below. Although written in haste, I meant every word, and would have written more words that I meant if allowed more column space. But I don't mind...those days will come....



Fellow LAF volunteers and the infamous "Norman Rockwell Girl"


When I Googled “volunteerism in Hamilton” in October, 2006, I didn’t really know where I’d end up. One phone call led to another and soon I found myself in training for a program called LAF. I loved kids and I had spare time on my hands, so it seemed the perfect fit.

However, my anticipation began to turn to a bit of anxiety when I realized I hadn’t signed up for just a simple after school playtime with kids. These little souls needed more than just another recess in the day—they needed attention—they needed mentoring—they needed me. But would I be qualified enough? Would they like me or think I was too old or un-cool? Could I actually make a difference?

My first day volunteering happened to fall on Halloween and I was surrounded by fairy princesses, scary monsters, and various Disney characters. The mood was festive and some of my fears were soon laid to rest when their shy costumed faces began to smile back at mine. However, I knew it was important to gain their trust as we were just another new wave of strange volunteers sweeping into their lives—lives that were all too often familiar with inconsistency and unpredictability.

Over the last year I’ve had the honor to work with several children in the program. Many of whom I’ve worked with weekly on a one-on-one basis, and over time, built a connection and relationship with that I’ll never forget. No child has been alike, and each one presented a unique adventure along the way. Adventures that involved more than just listening to them read their class assignment, or telling them to please not take all 25 snack bars. The journey I got caught up in involved taking a real interest in who they were and hoping beyond all hope they succeed at the life they’ve been given despite the odds.

I’m still not technically qualified, the kids have told me many times that I’m pretty stinking old, and most days I feel fairly un-cool. But when you’ve witnessed a child grow both academically and emotionally, you can’t help but grow too—and that I am certain has made all the difference in the world.


rlr