Thursday, December 16, 2004


Memory Lane Without the Bumps It’s a goofy song that hit the airwaves back in the summer of ’88 I think--Don’t Worry Be Happy. It was a tune filled with mostly a bunch of “dooo’s” at varying lengths and pitches. There was also some whistling during the chorus that topped the song off and put your soul at ease. My family was having a garage sale and Grandma and Grandpa’s house. It was early summer in rural Luther, Oklahoma. At that time there were only four of us kids. Yes, I said only four. The two youngest girls (Nicole and Erica) were still toddlers and running around with only bottoms on, barefoot and happy. It was such a treat back then to be hanging out at Grandma and Grandpa’s. It was more fun than eating out on Friday nights, and almost as exciting as swimming in the public pool. My brother and I had setup a lemonade stand. Business was slow though and most of the lemonade was sitting in my stomach. As it goes with most lemonade businesses, our first profits came from Mom and Dad. They would sip on the lemonade and say it was the best lemonade they had ever tasted. Then, I believed them. Now I know that’s what every good parent has to say. Later that afternoon, Grandpa checked our report cards. We would get fifty cents for every “A.” I already knew how much money that would mean for me before I handed him the report card, but hearing his exclamations of what a smart girl I was made me grin inside. Listening to the clink-clink as he would drop those quarters in my hand was so rewarding. I was momentarily rich. More money to add to the lemonade bucket. I’m pretty sure it was an old Folger’s coffee can. Grandma and Grandpa loved their Folger’s… Sometime throughout that perfect summer day, I don’t remember when, the little radio we had set up outside started singing out, “Don’t worry be happy.” The song was catchy and bouncy. The whole family was whistling and singing to it. Even after the next song came on we were still singing that tune. It was fun to imitate the Jamaican accent and listen to my dad whistle the song in perfect tune. My dad is still the best whistler I know… I don’t remember exactly how the day ended and I think it’s better that way. It makes the memory seem surreal. Who would want an end to a perfect day like that? That beautiful summer afternoon, there were no worries and we were all happy. I was happy. I want a day like that again…

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

halelujah! i suis finit avec Algebra! i hate that crap!
i woke up today (wasn't easy) and i was 25. how did this happen? i still feel like an awkward 15 year old girl with pimples and adolescent fat. oh wait--i do still have pimples and adolescent fat. i still feel like the only thing to live for is turning 16 and getting kissed by a cute boy. i still feel like my clothes are never cool enough and if i only trip three times during the day then it's a good day.
while my clothes might come from gap and express, my perfume is from hollister and reads, "for young girls." i like elton john but have a crush on little bow wow. i still like capri suns with the straws and prefer hanging with my sisters than most of my own friends.
i look in the mirror and i still see a teenager with insecurities and passions and dreams for the future that i am presently living out. somebody push back the hand of time and let me be a little girl again. let me be innocent and think that getting my driver's license and an 88 pontiac bonneville is still cool.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

do i really have to go to school? do i really have to make a 75 on this last test in order to pass good for nothing algebra?! how long does stupid person have to study for this crap? i'm losing it. God help me tonight cause I know it won't be by my own power that I do well. He's listening, right?
one more semester, rikki. deep breaths. in and out.
you're gonna be okay. all this hard work is for something. it's more than a diploma, it's more than being in student loan debt, it's more than 6 years of stressing, it's more than never finding a parking spot, it's more than the tickets i rec'd for illegally parking, it's more than late nights and early mornings, it's more than even a 3.5 gpa.
it's a goal. achieved. surpassed. won by me.
it's release. it's freedom. it's wisdom gained and knowledge lost.
it's a step towards locating more of me and what i'm about. still not completely found, but arriving at the slighty cracked door of my soul and smiling because i can see a preview...and the opening credits look good...

Friday, November 26, 2004

i need this venting site. i'm new at this so be patient.
coolest thing to happen for me today...
booking my flight to nyc to watch the ball drop in times square on new year's eve. you only live once on this earth and that is just something i gotta do before i die. even if it means freezing my arse off to do it.
random thought. it's the day after thanksgiving and i have no desire to eat turkey. am i alone on this?