A letter from Santo Stefano di Sessiano

Our reasons for arriving were as varied as our departure cities. Each plane ticket printed with its own set of hopes and expectations. Each journal empty, but ready and waiting for our conceding wills.

I gave myself one week to indulge in the thing that brings me the most joy in life―the simple act of putting one word after the other to string along coherent and creative thought. One week to learn to be better at it, to go deeper, to stir myself out of tepidity. One week to figure out where I fit in as a writer in the creative non-fiction genre. And if I'm really being honest, I made the quest to see if what I sporadically do on the side is even worth it.

No one knows self-doubt like writers do. We wallow in it, wrestle with it, and sometimes, if we're lucky, we triumph over it in a published piece that is usually met with only mild applause. But we write to breathe, to know we're alive, and to matter to the world we write for, and so we trudge onward. Our individual steps making medieval time-travel in stand-still Santo Stefano.

The first shared dinner of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Writing Pants was something spiritual. Curiously described by one of the lapsed Catholics as, “The Last Supper,” our conversations flowed as easy as the local wine splashed into our glasses, surprising ourselves with the hasty candour and camaraderie amongst strangers.

I watched for three hours as one of the dozens of hanging candles dangerously dripped over our instructor's head throughout the evening, but I hesitated to say anything. Doing so would break the magic spell. I loved that waxy timepiece keeping record of our languorous meal.

With each course of food, came another revelation that we were brought here for a greater purpose. Serendipity had whispered to each of us, 'follow me.' We smacked our lips at the authentic cuisine and conversation and I revelled in my cherry wine and the joy of being surrounded by such strong and strange women. For the first time in a long time, and in this ghost of a town, I finally felt not alone.

In an instant, these women left an impression on me that will be forever marked in the “Dear diary” of my soul.

Dayle, unforgettable, Dayle and her camouflage-carrying Tabasco sauce ways. Her zest for basking in her very own Sunshine has left evidence in the smiles lines that edge her countenance. A road map that bears the untidy trail marks of a real and deep love―and a dare―to trek further into my own misadventures in marriage.

Kathleen will always be remembered as the woman who turned my water into wine. Less of a miracle and more of an accident in her attempt at vino generosity. She, with her beautiful shock of white hair and ever-familiar face. In one smile and wave, I knew I wasn't alone in Rome. I wonder if she has the same affect for others back home. I have a feeling she just might.

Monique, the L.A. Girl making it happen in Holland. A polished ebony stone that is not so opaque, but open and revealing. Beautiful and ageless, courageous and courteous, it's no wonder she's adapted so well to the Dutch. I only hope I can carry the same longevity she has in my own foreign Dutch land. 

As both the hero and the heroine in her own living memoir, Gina has inadvertently become the leading protagonist in mine. Although she has not yet learned to strike that delicate balance in love and life, she has mastered the art of abandoning herself dutifully into one thing―writing. I cannot imagine a better lover than the constant surety of story. Complex and quiet, I long to see the world through her Prada lenses.

Liz. The mystic Aussie, who I think, doesn't know how to complain. Though her body is temporarily broken, her spirit remains tightly in tact―reaching summits before most have even stepped foot at the base. She laughs curiously, silently, unexpectedly. She is a rugged sprite that is comfortable living in the mystery.

There isn't a person Tracy hasn't met. And there isn't a person who could forget her either. Blue eyes that dance and cry easily. This is isn't a vice, but a strength. And an invitation to others that says you can trust me with your story. If only, she will let their stories out, not as a betrayal to their hearts, but rather as a gift to the rest of the world that says, “it's not always about you.” Sometimes, it's about the woman in the refugee camp on the other side of your world. 

Laura, who hasn't met a country and a man she doesn't like. She is probably one of the sexiest sexagenarians I have ever met. With her slow and deliberate ways, she coaxes you, and most Italian men for that matter, into her. With each traveler's tale she spins, a wondrous web evolves wrapping you in it. And the funny thing is, you don't seem to mind. 

Helen seems as Free as her surname and her hair. She is both untamed and polite. A helpless romantic that doesn't believe in soul mates. I get her and I want to make her my Aunt. The only regret I have from meeting her is that I didn't make more time to indulge in the “decades” of her story. Layered, languishing and lovely, she holds a treasure―and sometimes, words have something to do with it.

Queen Kathryn. The Seer of the Story. It seems she always has a secret and a smile hiding behind her eyes. Eyes that don't miss a thing and bedevil. Outwardly distracted, inwardly focused. She sends you reeling with her humour that both catches you off guard and puts you at ease. She is a beautiful riddle. Delightfully unsolvable. Although I can out-run her, I will never quite catch up. 

We are the women who did battle with the cobble-stone streets of Santo Stefano. Whose lungs duelled with the inclines and elevation. Whose bellies ached from the over-indulgence of food and laughter. Whose hearts struggled to reveal themselves, and whose minds warred with the fiercest enemy of all―ourselves.

We arrived, some of us, in trepidation, but we'll all leave in triumphant descent from this wild and rustic place having conquered pieces of our crumbling castles, where our hearts hide in towers that loosen with each life-rumbling quake.

We'll descend back into our own burghs, full of their own shadows and secrets. Back to old familiarity that is sometimes comforting and sometimes not. Back to the places where expectation often clashes angrily with reality.

But at least we'll have our memories―and our words―and our pens―and the patient pages that await this new overflow in our hearts.

Arrivederci,

Rikki, who lives to write and writes to live, and who also writes to support her shoe addiction.

Scenes from Santo Stefano

Scenes from Santo Stefano

The town hoot, Maria Antoinetta. Between my little to no Italian and mediocre French, I learned she was originally from France and moved here as a young girl. I gathered she is somewhere in her 80's. She has a contagious grin and just when you think she's got you wrapped around her wrinkly little fingers, she makes the "F-you" motion in Italiano, slapping her hand against her forearm. But she does it with a smile and you can't help but laugh. She'll be staying with her daughter in France for the summer and made me promise to send a postcard to her address. I look forward to her sweet, but curse-filled reply.

Remains from Rocca Calascio

Reaching the summit of a girlhood dream--being a princess in my very own castle

Italy, Day 1 &2: A bit of Roma and Santo Stefano

I arrived mid-afternoon with just enough time to catch a local pasta dish and a bit of walking around the neighborhood where my B&B was located. I was literally just a few walking minutes away from the Roman Colosseum.
Not your average street backdrop, The Colosseum

With just a half-day in Rome, there wasn't enough time for a formal guided tour. I will try to do that next week when I return from Santa Stefano. The owner of the B&B I stayed in offered a scooter ride around the city by night, and I accepted. When in Rome...
Post-scooter, I am now of the firm opinion that Rome is more lovely by night than by day.


A dream come true

Sleepy Santo Stefano di Sessiano


Santo Stefano has about 70 full-time residents

My heart is already too full for words and I am only Day 2 in Italy. Giovanni, a Santo Stefano local and manager of the "hotel," described Santo Stefano as "not a place where you begin, but a place where you arrive." He believes the beauty and mystery of the medieval fortess village cannot be fully appreciated unless you arrive from the outside, in. He says it is only then you can see the mirror of its beauty. Otherwise, you grow up believing life here is simply normal when it most certainly is not.

Arrivederci Toronto

The trip is off to a good start as my good friend and fellow writer wouldn't let me leave without a gift that only a fellow writer would think to give.


A beautiful journal, that is just big enough and small enough for 12-day voyage thoughts. The cover reveals words that are just inspiring enough to coax you into filling the empty pages.

The package wouldn't be complete without a pen that drips good, consistent ink. A good writing utensil is measured by its ability to keep pace with sporadic bursts of thought/creativity. I'm looking forward to some "gripping" conversations with Pen.

And on the back cover, a challenge...


A challenge, and a journey, that seems to have been tailor-made for me.



Italy, in other words

Santo Stefano di Sessiano
Courtesy www.lifeinabruzzo.com

I am days away from experiencing life in the least inhabited region of Italy and I find it utterly surreal. Who is this woman saying "time-out" to life as I know it? I almost don't recognize her.

As I move to tie up loose ends at work and worry what to cram in the suitcase, I do wonder how I'll adjust to such a quiet zone. I mean, I did ask for this. One week to indulge myself in the thing that brings me the most joy in life--the simple act of putting one letter in front of the other to string along coherent and creative thought. One week to learn to be better at it, to go deeper, to stir myself out of tepidity. One week to figure out where the heck I fit in as a writer in the creative non-fiction genre. And if I'm really being honest with myself, I'm on a quest to see if what I sporadically do on this blog is even worth it.

No one knows self-doubt like writers do. We wallow in it, wrestle with it, and sometimes, if we're lucky, we triumph over it in a published piece that is usually met with only mild applause. You couldn't even begin to imagine what a few Facebook thumbs-up, a couple of comments, and a spike in blog traffic will do to our fragile egos. We write to breathe, to know we're alive, and to matter to the world we write for.

As the red flashing LED light on my beloved Crackberry goes dark for 10 days, I hope it does something good to me. Eliminating some of the technical clutter from my mind should free up some creative memory space, displaying a crisper panoramic view of this gorgeous world around me.

What started as the whimsy of a foolish girl has become a reality. That's the funny thing about creative non-fiction. It's not the stuff of imagination with conjured up characters and storybook scenes. It's real life, with real people, offering up a curious reflection that is often more interesting than we like to give ourselves credit for. While dreams carry us sometimes from the drudgery of our physical existence, they don't sustain the soul. They're lovely, but they're calorie-light, staving off the hunger only temporarily.

As my steps take me to the uneven cobblestone streets of old Europe, I will flourish. And when expectation meets the painful reality of blisters from the travel, I will smile, because that's where the growth happens. That's where the true story is made. Stranger than fiction, better than you could believe.

We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next, to find ourselves. We travel to open our hearts and eyes and learn more about the world than our newspapers will accommodate. We travel to bring what little we can, in our ignorance and knowledge, to those parts of the globe whose riches are differently dispersed. And we travel, in essence, to become young fools again -- to slow time down and get taken in, and fall in love once more.
~Pico Iyer

The Return of Petty Officer 2nd Class Craig Blake

My view of the procession of fallen Canadian soldier, Petty Officer 2nd Class Craig Blake, May 5th, 2010.

Although, there was nothing petty or 2nd class about him or his reason for return.

The Taliban fighter that planted the remote-detonated explosive device, took out what he believed to be the "enemy," and in doing so, also took out a community volunteer, husband, and father of two children.

Last April, I was assigned to cover a report on the Highway of Heroes. I stood on one of the most renowned overpasses on Hwy 401 and busily gathered interviews and footage of the unique display of support and patriotism. Almost too busy, because before I knew it, the police escorted procession carrying the 117th fallen soldier, had raced quickly under us and onto the remainder of that solemn stretch of road. I didn't have time to properly process what I had just witnessed. My feeble attempts at capturing the moment for both television and our blog can be found here, http://www.youtube.com/rikkicheri#p/f/2/5N4oZVLLJMg and here, http://rikkiratliff.blogspot.com/2009/04/o-canada-they-stand-on-guard-for-you.html.

Today, a year and 26 fallen soldiers after my report, I sat annoyed in the passenger seat because of traffic on North America's busiest stretch of highway. We had a full day in the field and I just wanted to be home. Like yesterday. Police on motorcycle blocked off one section of the highway, for what reason, I didn't know. Just chalked it up to yet another detour on our path home. As I looked up at the overpass ahead, I saw an ambulance flashing and Red, White and Maple Leaf blowing in the wind. My heart sank and I gasped out loud. I knew exactly what was happening. The Navy man that I had heard passed earlier this week, was making his final return home. The path had been cleared for him. His heroes song sung. At over 50 overpasses, by hundreds of Canadians, for nearly 100 miles. The only detour he would have is at the morgue in downtown Toronto.

I flew across the driver's seat and out the window to snap the above photo. The last time I saw such a sacred repatriation, it was my job to cover it and I missed my opportunity to give a citizen (or proud permanent resident) salute. I rode the rest of the ride home with perspective and thanks that I was doing it alive and in freedom. Largely because of a willing soldier's sacrifice.

I said it before and I'll say it again. This American has never seen Canada look so lovely.

Lessons from a banana-seat bicycle

I just finished reading the May 3rd edition of Maclean's and was surprised to find myself more outraged with a "fluff" article in the lifestyle section of the magazine, than I was with the editorials or the typical Mark Steyn rants found near the back pages. Rebecca Eckler, self-proclaimed as "one of the most talked about bloggers of this century," headlines a new trend in parenting in, "Outsourcing how to ride a bike."

You read that correctly. Parents are coughing up hundreds of dollars for their little Johnny and Susie to go away to bike camp to learn what most of us did by trial and error on the streets of our suburban neighborhoods. Their reasons are many while their justifications are few.

Everything from the overly worked parent who doesn't blink at the thought of being replaced, to the overly worried parent who just couldn't bear the thought of seeing their kid fall. I've got a newsflash for you, honey. If it hurts too much to see your kid suffer a few scratches from this thing called "life," you might not be cut out for this thing called "parenting." Because we will surely scrape our knees, cut our fingers, break our arms, and our hearts many times over before we're relinquished to the world.

I remember the day I learned to ride a bicycle vividly. There were no paid experts involved, a "safety first!" helmet, or a cush landing pad of encouraging words. With four kids at the time and only my dad working, my parents could barely afford bikes let alone the extravagance of Bike Camp.

It was my brother's 7th birthday in the summer of '88. Freeze-pops, birthday cake, and a water sprinkler were enough to keep us and the neighborhood kids of Palmer Street content. My brother had opened all of his presents from friends and extended family. Now it was time for the grande finale gift from Mom and Dad.

Out came Dad from the shadows of our garage, rolling the coveted BMX off-roading bike toward the birthday boy. While sheer delight flashed across his innocent face, envy flamed across mine. I was eight years old! A whole year and a half older than him and I didn't have a bicycle. Just one more thing I'd have to borrow, but only if I asked really nicely...

In my state of selfishness, I may have cried at the injustice. I can't remember because that tragic moment didn't last very long. Dad, knowing his first-born daughter all too well, discreetly pulled me over to the side of the house. My burning ears could still hear the squeal of the kids sharing in my brother's excitement, but the fire was quelled, for leaning up against our modest brick house, was another bike--second-hand, but for me.
Similar to mine but missing the plastic basket out front, streamers, and wicked spoke beads.

With a beaut of a purple banana seat (albeit its colour faded from riding years gone by), and streamers catching in the lazy breath of summer, I felt special and loved and dignified again as I wouldn't have to learn to ride a bike after my younger brother had, and on a boy's bike none the less. This, a right of passage, deserved of every child in the modern world.

It took a few falls and some scraped elbows, but I earned my license to pedal that June afternoon on Palmer Street. I'll never forget my catch of breath and momentary sense of dread when I realized my dad had let go of the back of my bike seat. That flash of feeling forsaken was quickly followed by a new-found freedom and understanding that I could get to my best-friend's house at the end of the street faster than you could say, "Chuckie Cheese, please!"

My dad loved me by letting go. He watched me fall with the knowledge that I would be brave enough to get back up regardless of the scars that might remain. You can't outsource that kind of love. The kind of love that sees you through to your next milestone--from riding bikes to writing about bikes. It's a parent's privilege to give you that running start and the precarious push that follows. Don't cash it in. Treasure it, because maybe one day it'll survive those dusty years as a fond memory of when the training wheels came off and the growing up began.

MJ and Earth Day


Michael Jackson made a strong political statement when this video was produced in 1995. He may have been ahead of his time when it comes to using media as a means to influence change (whether for the better or worse) for the environment. Al Gore and his Inconvenient Truth was certainly not the first attempt to tweak at our collective earth conscience, and I'm certain it won't be the last. But when it comes to messaging statements about the environment, I think I prefer it in the music format of Michael Jackson. It appears more tolerable and less sanctimonious.

I'm not signing up for Greenpeace anytime soon, making plans to cast a vote for the Green Party in Canada, or converting to environmentalism as my new religion, but I do love this planet we were given and all the beauty that she came with when we inherited her. For me, it's people before planet, although some would argue you can't have a viable people if you don't have a viable planet. And around and around we go...

I wonder if our forefathers (Both Canadian and American) could have ever predicted platforms for the environment seeping into our politics, or that it would even be "necessary." When it comes to making decisions for Mother Earth and for ourselves, let us hope that we can see the forest through the trees that are still left.

A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people.— Franklin Roosevelt

p.s. In 1991, my fifth grade class bought a square acre of land in the Amazon rainforest. I wonder how that old patch of land is doing. It better still be there or I'll have to make a video of my own. God help us all because I surely can't sing like MJ.

I'm [not] every woman

I am a woman who comes from the epi-centre of football country. I wear the tattoo of the OU Sooner fanclub on my heart. Crossing the border from Oklahoma territory to southern Ontario, hasn't decreased my zeal for all things Boomer Sooner. If anything, it's strengthened it. And speaking of my heart, its pressure is dangerously raised on Saturdays during the NCAA football season.

I am the daughter of a man who was interested in nearly every sport that involves a ball, and his interest was contagious. Although not every sport stuck with me over the years, I have played basketball, volleyball, tennis, soccer, and flag football. Throw in some neighbourhood baseball, track and field, and a few compound bow hunting lessons and you got yourself a regular tom-boy.

Growing up, I was told I could 'be whatever I wanna be' and to run faster, play harder, aim higher. I didn't always succeed at every sport or at every project thrown my way, but competition was bred in me at an early age and I have never been satisfied with settling or coming in second.

I am also the daughter of a typical Southern belle. My mother's decorated visage rose and set with the sun. Her barn was always painted, and painted well. She smelled pretty, polished her nails frequently, and crossed her legs properly. Growing up with her I was told, ''Rikki Lee, act like a lady,'' and "Close your legs. You're wearing a dress!'' Her interest in all things respectable was less contagious it seems.

Despite it all, I still 100% believed I was a princess. I loved lace and pink things and Barbie dolls. But I also loved 'kickin' a$$ and takin' names' as they say. I got into trouble both for arm-wrestling guys as a young woman, and for trying to shave my legs and wear make-up prematurely. I was and still am to this day, an uncanny mix of high heels and action.

Just the other day, my co-ed soccer team lost our play-off game in a bad way. My team cheerfully packed up their cleats and shin guards and remarked at how much fun they had. I, on the other hand, seethed a ''see you next week,'' and marched out with my backpack and over-sized spring-temps yellow leather purse on my shoulder.

As I continue to wrestle with this awkward balance of estrogen and a man-like fierceness, I do find some comfort in this blogger's words:

"It’s a complicated place for a woman who enjoys and celebrates being a woman to stand. I don’t want to be a man, but the desire for action, for heroism, for independent movement more than simply domestic often appears limited to masculine provinces."

I'm beginning to think I'm not alone after all. And that perhaps it'll be fun to watch 'nuture versus nature' battle it out a little while longer.

Give me one more smoke 'on the mountain'












This is the"backyard" view from Hamilton's Henderson Hospital. Perched atop the escarpment, it provides patients, visitors, and staff a bit of respite from the sometimes dreariness that is life at a hospital.

This photo was taken in the afternoon on an unforgettable summer day in 2009. Brad and I went to visit Buck who was becoming stir crazy from his overnight stays in the hospital. He was the kind of guy who liked to be outside where the action was, where life was happening. Although still very sick from cancer and receiving heavy doses of chemo, he looked otherwise healthy and still had that zest for life. Enough to keep his sense of humour in tact and wrestle with that constant itch to just do something, anything to keep him sane.

On this particular day, a visit inside his room just wasn't gonna cut it. And I don't blame him. The walls were painted a pasty egg-shell white. His only decorations--a tacky, broken 1980's clock donated to the hospital, a few "get better soon" cards tacked to the wall, and couple of ailing plants that could've used some TLC. Constant reminders that he wasn't well and that he was "one of them." Those that reside on the 3rd floor of the hematology ward, who carry Death on their shoulder, and live with the worried whispers of loved ones around them. So on this day, we went outside for a smoke break.

He couldn't shake the habit. Or he probably could, but I suppose it was the one thing that gave him comfort when there was little comfort to be found. His doctors gave him grief for not giving himself a better fighting chance at health. But he looked like a cornered animal sometimes who's eyes betrayed his emotions, and I felt pity for him. Let the man have a smoke...

It was one of those unpredictable summer days in southern Ontario. In just a matter of minutes, the sky turned dark and the wind started whipping scattered cigarette butts across the floor of the outdoor balcony. Thunderhead clouds started rolling in and I could smell a good storm a brewin'. Buck stood on the picnic bench with his cigarette in hand and situated his ball cap firmly to his head. With the rain surely about to start pouring, this meant his visit outdoors would be cut short. I could tell he wanted to stretch his freedom to its limits. While other patients and hospital staff started shuffling indoors, we hung on until the drops snuffed out the butt of his cigarette light.
In that moment, smelling the storm and reveling in its wild activity, I felt alive. And I know he did too, seizing that summer shower moment for all that he could with his only brother and myself.

At that point in his disease, we were all optimistic that such a healthy guy, on top of the world, looking out at the city of Hamilton, would conquer such a curable form of cancer. But about six months after that afternoon, progressive Hodgkin's lymphoma held out longer than he could, and prematurely snuffed out his other flickering light.

As patterns of life resume to a new normal, I find it tough when my driving path forces me near the hospital. Just yesterday, an unexpected cry came out when I saw the backside of the hospital looming over the escarpment. As I continued on to my destination, I batted away tears and attempted to stifle the sobs that erupted from my core being. A friend told me that perhaps it means I still haven't let go of him and of his humanity. Perhaps I haven't, but in the three months since he's passed, the memories of him are still vivid. In my mind, it's still last summer. I'm standing on the balcony with Buck, trying to steer clear from his puffs of smoke, while at the same time wanting to be close enough to feel his presence, and close enough where he can feel mine. Saying "I love you" without actually saying it, giving my support without suffocating such a free spirit.

And while one piece of my heart believes he is now truly free, the other piece, still very broken, longs for just one more smoke on the mountain.

Thoughts provoked after watching "Julie and Julia"

This movie portrayed an ambitious, pioneer of a woman (Julia) and a woman (Julie) trying to be ambitious and piggy-back on the career of the pioneer. Julia slaved for years for her big break while Julie got hers within a year. Don't get me wrong. Julie's character was endearing and inspiring in its own way, but the generational gap between the two women exposed the chasm of philosophies in how to forge a successful path in life.

The movie based on the real-life experiences of these women touched me poignantly. Mostly because of the juncture in my own career path. I relate all too well it seems. Enough to poke at something both insecure and hopeful in me. What lies beneath is a quiet frustration not often spoken but always realized.

Damn the Generation X'ers and those who taught us we could change the world with an undergrad degree and a noble career choice. Maybe you can leave your footprint on this earth in small, meaningful ways, but who's to say you're warranted to get paid for it?

I had my professional portrait taken today because I thought it was the right thing to do for my "career." I have never felt so vain in my life. Although the sun shined like Spring, the wind bit like late Fall making my smiles look forced and painful. The camera man's hand shook with shiver and his gracious assistant held the second flash high in the air, shot after shot with obvious discomfort. My leopard print stilettos that I thought gave me my 'signature look' sunk into the juicy earth and never even made into the photo frame. And with each snapshot I became more agonizingly aware of how pretentious I must've looked to observers. It wasn't long after I cut my little photo shoot short. I blamed it on the cold and invited them in for tea.

Some days you feel like you're a good headshot and a few clever words away from a dream. Other days, you just feel like everyone else trying to scrap a living in this world. No more or no less special.

Evidence of Spring

You know spring has arrived when people wake up from their winter hibernation and start jogging, biking, walking and just generally getting outside and physically moving their body. This is especially true for Canadians who endure a good solid six months of legit-ly frigid temperatures.

They'll look for any excuse to be in the sunshine and prematurely wear shorts and tank tops. They'll have a drink on the patio or front porch at night and shiver all the way through it. But hey, it's not below zero, so time to crack one open and celebrate that fresh revelation.

It's especially to funny to watch those who have never greeted the mailman before and yet practically run out to the sidewalk to say "hi," and you guessed it-talk about the weather.

The neighbour kids start playing outside again. Playing and cackling and squealing until it's dark and mom starts calling them home. I know this because they.are.all.in.my.lawn. And so are their worn out, left-out-in-the-backyard-all-winter, chewed up toys.

Birds start chirping and chatting up a storm. It's glorious!

Birds start chirping and poo-ing up a storm. Just inches from my new Mac and my new hair-do. Less glorious.


(Note the round splash of evidence of Spring next to my keyboard)

Despite the close calls with nature and the run-ins with sometimes obnoxious small humans, I'm embracing this new season and all of the possibilities it seems to be affording...

Viva la Italy

This blog and its author will be taking a journey to this place below in June. The summer writing workshop,
Italy, in Other Words, is hosting it and I have a feeling I won't return unchanged.

Because we didn't hit the jackpot, I have to look at this trip as an investment for future Writer Rikki. I want to be an improved woman of letters and more found woman in general when I touch back on Canadian soil. If you can't find inspiration in a place like this, then you must be dead on the inside. Either that or you got less into your writing and more into the bottom of an Italian bottle of wine upon your stay.


Happy Lent!




What a wonderfully clever and irreverent way to ask ourselves why we do the nominally religious things we do. I wasn't raised in a traditional, mainline church and was never asked to give anything up for a season for a greater spiritual purpose. I was just asked to follow Jesus and I think I thought that would be enough.

I'm learning now there is beauty in symbolism and tradition if not followed blindly or ritualized emptily. Perhaps it helps to fill in the gaps where as humans we misstep in following in the dusty sandals of One so great. I'm on a slow journey to figure out if diving into Institution-induced customs is for me.

These cards are less to make fun of those of you who choose to worship in your own personal way during this Lent season, and more to challenge myself to really think before I say goodbye to primetime television, Reese's Puffs cereal, or something else completely life altering like that.

Not quite sure how to articulate just yet why I was so taken by my first Eastern Orthodox worship experience, but I was thankful to have the opportunity to gain an inside look at the church, its ancient traditions, and its people.


Kissing Jesus

A beautiful procession

A gift from the priest as a reminder that with Death comes Life

You can see my televised look into this fascinating church in an upcoming Easter show for Listen Up TV that will air April 4, 2010.

Canada, eh?

As an American residing in Canada, I often get asked by Canadians and Americans alike, "how do you like living in Canada? Is it a huge culture shock?" and my most favorite, "how do you find the Canadian [people]?" And as the 2010 Vancouver Olympics draw to a close, and the sense of patriotism reigns high on both sides of our long and shared border, I find thoughts surrounding the nation-to-nation relations relevant and poignant.

Those same questions were posed to me again as frequently as last night by a friendly stranger looking to pass the time on the hour-long train ride from Toronto to Hamilton. You'd think I'd have the answers to the questions memorized and in bulletin point format in my head by now, but each time I'm asked I'm still a little taken aback and want to think carefully before I answer them. It's not that I'm so concerned about diplomacy, because tact has never come as natural to me as honesty has, but I do pause and for several reasons. Mainly because the answers to the questions are ever-changing as my time in Canada has lengthened and my friendships here have grown and been strengthened.

I also pause because when the Canadians ask what I think of them, I hear sincere curiosity mixed with a bit of timid wondering. Like a woman who loves her little black dress but is still unsure of its fit. The vulnerability posed to me triggers a sympathetic twinge in my heart. And so I smile, I take a breath and wonder how to best generalize a varied nation of people who deserve more than this American's sweeping assumptions based on only four living years of experience.

Below is my 2010 response to the Go-train stranger:

"I have found that Canadians are like a good spring just waiting to emerge from a long winter. All they need is a good thaw. Once you've scratched the surface of their sheltered little hearts, you will find some of the friendliest and most interesting people you will ever encounter. Canada has become a slow but beautiful reveal to me."

With that answer, the Go-train stranger laughed and went onto describe how much he loved living in the States for a time. Permission for him to glow on about the U.S. had been granted.

Tom Brokaw said it well in this moving and well-produced NBC piece for the Olympics. "Life in the Canadian North is only for the hardy."



Canadians are a strong and durable bunch who know the value of sticking in it long enough to see the results. It shows in their appreciation for when warmer temperatures do eventually arrive, in their economy that seemed to be built less on immediate satisfaction and more on long-term gains, and in their hope for their Olympic athletes, who may trail in the overall medal count, but still manage to light this big expanse of a nation on fire with each advance to the hockey finals and every time one of their own does make it to the podium to hear their anthem raised.

Oh, Canada, you really are a 'True North strong and free.'

I do the Zumba

~I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

I love to dance. I always have. When I was a child and young teenager it was expressed through ballet. It was considered an "appropriate" dance form for a young Christian girl. Although I could name all of the French positions and execute them with excellence and flair, I simply did not have the body for it. I was too short and too compact with flexibility in only half of all the right places. I was certain my hamstrings were held together by metal strands and not tendons like everyone else. All of the other pretty ballerinas could stretch their top halves so gracefully down past the floor scraping their bun-adorned heads, while I grunted in pain and eyes bulging from the effort. Hoping, always hoping that the tip of my longest finger would miraculously graze the floor. Needless to say, by 16 years old I had come to terms with the fact that I was not cut out for such a graceful dance form.

But what would I do with this leftover rhythm and a heart that burst every time I heard a good beat? Squash it? Quell it? Live cathartically through old re-runs of Dirty Dancing and Footloose? Sure, as I got older I found some release in the club and bar scene, but I'd always been told that dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. I didn't really believe it though. Dancing didn't make me want to have illicit sex; it made me want--for nothing. Because in that moment I was free, in control, exuberant, passionate. Breathing, sweating, smiling and alive. If this is sin, then a life of piety is not for me.

When I would dip south of the American border I found new thrill in learning the salsa and meringue. The locals seemed to have a natural gift for dance, and I would pick up their steps quickly. For Latinos, dancing is so much a part of their culture, to take it away would be to remove their heart. Many of them live on meager portions, many in poverty, and yet they dance--confidently. Kings and queens of the Kingdom Dance Floor wrapped in wealth, impoverished no longer.

As of late, my soul has felt heavy and impoverished, hankering for a spiritual and physical release. I found a bit of relief for it in an odd place. Zumba. It's the latest North American fitness craze that combines Latin and international music with dancing and aerobics. I found classes that are pay as you go and wasted no time. I jumped in with both feet (pun intended) the very next night with hopeful expectation and only a bit of apprehension. I wouldn't know a soul there, but in a sense it gave me a bit of comfort to know I was going to be shaking it like a saltshaker in a room of strangers who probably wouldn't judge me.

As they shouldn't. The class was full of mostly middle-aged women with not two, but three left feet if that's possible, looking to get fit and feel young again. Eighty percent of the class looked ridiculous trying to follow the moves of our Latina instructor. I am certain that if a man had happened to drop in on the class, sex would have been the last thing on his mind. Very un-sexy things were happening in all that sweat and spandex. However, we women strangers were free.

For one hour, we were released from the restraints of work, relationships, life and all the inhibitions that come with it. Free from the memories, free from the sorrow. Free from tomorrow. Heart pounding and hips shaking I let go. I laughed at myself when I couldn't catch onto some of the steps and smiled to myself when I got them right. It was just the dancing therapy I've been craving for some time.

I've also come to terms with the fact that I probably won't ever be a back up dancer for Janet Jackson or wow the television audiences on ABC's Dancing With The Stars. For now, I'll stick with being satisfied at givin'er at wedding receptions and the hardwood floor of my living room. Here, I am the dancing queen. I will dance and jive having the time of my life. Unabashedly, without reproach, and alive. So alive...

An ode to a brother

How can a light so shining be quenched so quickly and so darkly,

And in its fleeting course, still blaze across a legacy?

A brilliant flash forever etched in closed mind's eye;

Our Celestial-sent keepsake, flaming amidst black sky.


"Men and women who have lived wisely and well will shine brilliantly, like the cloudless, star-strewn night skies. And those who put others on the right path to life will glow like stars forever." Daniel 12:3

~The Message

And having done all, to stand

Inspiration has temporarily left me as life has become a little too real for eloquent phrasing, funny anecdotes, and clever metaphors. But I have had time to appreciate the pauses in the tumultuous ride along the recent way. Pauses such as coming home to my family for Christmas for the first time since 2006. I'd like to say I coped just fine over the last few years without them for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I am too much of a sucker for family traditions and my mother's cooking. Being home for a full week was just necessary this year. Here are just a few of my favorite moments spent home:

Laughing hysterically to my little brother's inappropriate jokes.

Letting go and letting my 15 1/2 year old sister with her learner's permit drive me to get ice cream with her and my baby sister.

Helping clean my sister Nicole's house as she prepped for a Christmas dinner for her in-laws. Felt like the old days when we used to join forces together to get things done.

Having my precious niece fall asleep in my arms while I kiss her chubby cheeks.

Looking at Christmas lights with my 92 year old Granny.

Playing late night card games with all of the women in my family.

Taking a drive into the country by myself.

Picking up where I left off almost four years ago with an old friend. Easily. Naturally.

Listening to my brother Michael wrestle out new chords on his guitar as he wrestles out other issues with life.

Receiving wisdom from my mother while we wiped away tears from both of our eyes.

And while it has been hard to watch Brad trudge through his own sadness lately for his brother, I got joy as I saw him find some moments of respite from the sorrow with my ridiculous and hysterical family.

For one week I felt normal again and not displaced. No longer an Okie outsider, but one of my own. Yes, with a little less accent and a little more tolerance for the cold, but whole and happy none the less.

I'll also never forget the words from my father in a car ride together through town. I told him my soul was weary and I was tired of pithy prayers and trite lines of sympathy from others. He said, "Rikki, when you think you've done all you can do, then all that's left to do is just stand." Some wise guy named Paul was the original author for those words, but I liked hearing it better from my dad.

These days I don't feel like I'm good for much. Creativity and initiative is all but lost for the time being. But I've got steel and stubborn bred in me, two legs that still work, and a community of prayerful love and support that helps to keep this old soul upright.